My Group and I were talking about how size and muscular nature has been given prevalence over any other attributes and how to catch women's eyes you need to perpetuate these traits. The ladies in my group said that's not what they look for, and I totally value and believe there contribution, but for all the skinny white/black/latino dudes out there.. We KNOW thats not the case.
Why is it then that when I actually do venture out to the bar, the guys I see walking out with all the girls are the Mark Mcguires of the world? the guys with the 20 inch biceps that make me feel like I should just work at the smoothie bar in the gym instead of actually going to stay healthy.
This my friends is dictated to us by society, everyone wants a strong male dominant protector, so as katz said I can't really divulge much emotion because it will leave me at the prey of guys that put up what often times is a faccade of EPIC proportions. Even Janice Radway's bit on romanticism highlighted a dominant male protector seeking the love of a female (though independent) heroine. All I am saying is that people should give us normal guys props and reanalyze what it means to be a male in American Society. As I write this I am legit unsure if I have divulged too much emotion in a piece but then again, we all have to be part of the change.
So my question is from your perspective do you feel like you have to subvert some of your emotions to initially make that connection with a prospective romantic fling?
Do you feel that men that show emotion are less attractive? is there a line or point of no return to the level of emotion one can portray?
Some men are just not emotion beings just as many women are not emotional. We just have ideas about each gender that make these ideas up in our heads and assign them to one of the genders. I don't think all men need to be emotional but they need to be okay with themselves and not let the ideas of society make them feel self conscious about their personalities. Just as it should not be pushed on men to be forceful and unemotional, they should also not be pushed to be super sensitive and romantic.
ReplyDeleteI think the way society views gender means that we individually get social capital for dating people who fit into the perceived ideal for their gender. So for instance, women are socialized to view other women as their primary competition and they are supposed to compete for men's admiration/respect/desire. I think this can turn into dating men who are most normative for many women who don't actually find the norm attractive. It is difficult for people to go against the way they have been raised and the pressures from media. Similar to how Katz points out males replicating media image of masculinity, women tend to replicate media representation of femininity- which means being attracted to a "manly" man. It is less of an individual issue (as in, less blame on the individual; although it clearly is perpetuated on an individual level) and more a societal construct to blame.
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